Frozen Futures Forecasted

I am going through old papers, photos, zines, articles, tax-returns, reciepts, memories going back nearly 30 years (when I was at an early age wanting to document everything)... I read through old papers from college, letters from friends, notes and postcards. I have a letter I wrote to a friend, 1/2 finished, unsent - full of scribbles and doodles, some attempt to be austute (i'm name dropping french theorists like crazy), my 2 year crush on a college friend, written in poetic (and pretentious) verse.
In it - here's something I wrote (warning, it's probably to elicit pity and laughter at my expense): "I realize I hate playing games - pool, cards, pinball... because I set myself up in the zero-sum game for failure. I want to "pass", "disqualify", "lose" so I can get out of playing... I want to fail.... I want to fail anything I attempt after college. I want to fail college. I want to fail several courses. I want to neglect responsibilities and be thrown out on my my ass, and when people drive by in their Lincoln town cars, I can spit on their automatic windows and curse them and their income. I can say "I SAW IT COMING AND I JUMPED SHIP! IF YOU WERE SMART, YOU'D DO IT TOO!!"
God - if that's not early 90's Gen-X'er angst, I don't know what is. It's suprising that I had this internalized - I know that I do have a propensity for failure (in fact, I know that in any intimate situation, be it work, a project, or relationship - the big expectation that "i might f*** this up at any given moment as I usually do" looms high). It just makes me want to time travel and smack me upside the head. Again, this is why I hate the past.

Golden Cluster Seed

I'm sick... and in need of rest and fluids. Came down with something a few days ago and now it's making my voice gurgly, my lungs are compressed and I'm dry and hot. I wonder if I have MRSA and if I caught it from the gym... Of course, this is my own subtle hypochondria (the rational kind that says "you might have it, you never know", but doesn't convince me 100%). I used to think I had staph a while back when I get my facial breakouts, but found out it's just a benign cold sore. I know I don't have MRSA - it's just a bad cold and a combination of not sleeping right. I'm going to be worse for wear tomorrow if I even attempt to go to Pony. I am more angry that I can't go to the gym. I've missed 4 days in a row now and (yes, this puts me in Teen Aneroxia Camp) I feel myself getting fatter - the body fat crawling back up my body in a vengence. I would go and try to sweat it out - but I know it's just going to make myself sicker and probably give others the same damn cold. I hate being sick. I wasn't sick like this last year. Sigh.

Turkey Time - Gobble, Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving and all that excess!
And remember, if you have issues with eating turkey's - they're not high on the evolutionary scale (*they apparently go into heat when they see a dismembered turkey head on a stick) and are really just dumb feathered reptiles begging to be consumed.
Enjoy!
J.D.

Special Effects

Today was colder than a witch's titty, and I am secretly happy because of it. It sets priorities, makes people dress in furs and act wrecklessly indoors. People drink and eat more, line their mantles and hearths with faux-evergreens in a bid to deny global warming ever existed... Heaters go up, gas prices go up, tempers flare. Disposability is where you throw your waste into the snow thinking you'll never see it again. The world gets colder and people are intrinsically in both survival and nesting mode.
It was also the day that Oprah had her 'Favorite Things' episode. In Macon, GA. She gave out assorted prizes to screaming fans (her legion of southern soccer moms) among them a refrigerator with an HDTV it. Fans screamed. Heads exploded and women went batshit because they were taking home a major appliance that was same price as a new car. Hmm, GA - isn't there a drought there or something? Shouldn't the message be to send water? Oh well. Weather, as usual, is just an excuse to behave badly in any circumstance.

Sugar Problem

Ok - so, I'm picking this back up after a year of cheating on you with Livejournal (actually - it was erratic and I didn't do as nearly as much as I did here... This has been a very strange last 2 weeks. I've had come face to face with the past as I had signed into Facebook and stumbled upon old college friends (Amy, Lampy, Jon Dickey)... Then there was this edict from my condo board to clear out my storage unit to take care of this plumbing issue - which lead to me sifting through tons of old memories (that still sit in boxes on my living room floor. I really need to go through them, but I end up reading them and taking hours away from tasks such as writing blogs, or finishing that film of Grandma's I've meaning to complete the last 2 years)... In any case, the past seems to be a theme lately. I can't shake it. Wish it away. Maybe it's because I feel like I've pissed away some good years - or maybe that I could have lived up to something better (all of it resounding with the big word f-a-i-l-u-r-e which makes me really want to wall up and not leave...) I hate running into the past for this reason. Am I this neurotic and bitter? No - just today. Sigh. I woke up inadequate and struggled throughout the day to take myself seriously and not elicit sympathy (I have a headcold)...
In any case - enough whining - my topic du jour is the demise of Sugar - the clone club that went from a bad gay disco (Manray-54 knock off) to horrible-bad str8 hiphop club. I've kept my mouth shut on SLOG when incidents went down on Pike (shootings and people yelling "Fag" out windows), but I can't say I'm sad to see it leave. There's a mean spirit on Pike/Pine that didn't use to exist. People weren't exactly friendly and "community" wasn't prevalent, but it wasn't as insular and self-absorbed. The sound of bottles breaking usually happened in BellTown, a sign that hetero boys were showing dominance by destroying civic property (that and usually fighting for some inane reason). In any case -- there's chatter that maybe Pony should move in there? Appropo - I'd be willing to even throw down a few Benjamins to invest.

Cruel Movies of Youth

I've been neglectful in my posts recently for a few reasons -- the summer wind-up, book-club meetings and related activities, and lastly a nasty cold (virus) my Mac may or may not have from questionable downloading practices (my iMac is kind of whory)... but also, I've been doing some film stuff at SIFF, home and around that I'd just have to share...

I saw this great film adapted from the Scott Heim book, "Mysterious Skin". Finally, after a drought of really trite, bad indie queer movies, Araki returns and gives us something that's got a bit more substance. I gave it a rave up here as not to bore you with the details, but I was pleased as punch that someone had the cajones to adapt this, and that it was Araki himself (being sorely missed in this conservative climate).

Kind of in relation to that film, I also saw Tarnation which was incredible. I am truly awestruck by the force of that film (and, in true geek, gawk n' fawning fashion, I also wrote up a review here), but I think I'm more blown away by the fact he did something with really easy tools. It's liberating to think that you can piece a film together for just under $250. I watch the Apple affects and just think how I'd like to do something similar (but thankfully of course I don't have any lurid histories or family drama to record), but it shows that doing a doco is so incredibly easy and I'm kicking myself for not getting any films together in the last few months. Argh. This film is a testament to personal narratives, though -- and how easily you can do them if you just have the time and patience to peice it together.

Lastly - for Book Club, I saw Love and Pop which was written by Ryu Murakami (who wrote the last book we read, "Coin Locker Babies"). This was another in the similar teen-angst vein, only this time it's set in Japan and deals with the disaffected female youth turning to the oldest profession (in order to afford the 'bling-bling'). This was shot on video with a multitude of bizarre angles and long Murakami-like dialogues that drove me crazy reading his work. Of course, this was the less angst-ridden and violent of his works, but it's still pretty messed up (and shows the f'd up priorities of pop-culture obsessed youth in post-bubble Tokyo).

Well, I think I finally ended my terrible teens trilogy. Tomorrow I go to see Niceland tomorrow night (done by the same guy that did "Cold Fever") and then a Bollywood movie on Wednesday... More on that later...

Blue State Appreciation Day

Of course, I'm lovin' this little anti-snob-plate story, and the fact it's coming from WA (so close to the godless commies in Vancouver, so far from Kansas)... But then we should all wake up and smell the exhaust -- most of the vehicles these days anywhere past the Southcenter exits will have either sport a ribbon of some kind and or a Bush/Cheney sticker. Something tells me I'd get majorly rear-ended on 1-5 by some southend values-voter in an SUV. (*And yes, I'm a southender but I, like my filthly iMac, am unscrupulous in my wanting to control the world, keep standard emissions at 1990's levels (and keep 6FTU on for 3 more seasons, damn you Alan Ball!)...

Speaking of value voters, I have to also appreciate that This American Life finally did something to address the notions of Church and State, which after listening to, I'm convinced we are growing more into a scary theocracy starting to look like Franco's Spain. Granted, the audience will be the usual Lake Wobegon do-nothinicks who just give money to a slowly eroding PBS, but hey, maybe some values-voter will secretly recruited into recognizing their constitutional rights are probably not something they should be handing over in the offering plate? Hmm - well, at least no SUV's up here have NEW TESTAMENT written on thier assault cannon, but give it time, I'm sure it will become big...

Cha Cha Charming

Cha Cha Charming

Here's the playlist for this Sunday:
Feel Good Inc (Single Edit) Gorillaz Feel Good Inc - Single
Random Lady Sovereign Random - Single
White Lines (Don't Do It) [Long Version] The Sugarhill Gang - Grandmaster & Melle Mel The Sugar Hill Records Story
Wonders Never Cease Morcheeba The Antidote
Bonus Track: Everybody Pass Me By (One Cut Remix) Pepe Deluxe Super Sound
Electric Tit Shawn Lee's Ping Pong Orchestra Ubiquity Studio Sessions, Vol. 2: Moods and Grooves
Here It Comes Doves Lost Souls
My Mathematical Mind Spoon Gimme Fiction
De-Luxe Lush Ciao! 1989-1996
C + F Sam Prekop Who's Your New Professor
It's a Lonely Planet Photon Band It's a Lonely Planet
Spacehead The Primitives The Primitives: Best Of The Primitives
Born in Flames Essential Logic Fanfare in the Garden
Human Replace (No Human Is Gonna Replace Me Mix By Original Hamster) Numbers Death
Bad Cartridge (E-Pro) [Remix by Paza of The X-Dump] Beck GameBoy Variations (Hell Yes Remix) - EP
Baba O'Riley The Who Who's Next
Hey Ya! Supersuckers Hey Ya! - Single